Seek and ye shall find.
Now I do not know if this counts as blasphemy or what – but ohh-(and woe)-the-honesty-policy to which I am bound, in my duties as a writer. So, all you men who seek, after giving away ‘the lies that your girlfriends tell you,’ it is time I pass down a few more of the well-hidden secrets of the female species. Yes, yes, you can thank me and maybe come save me too when my girls are kicking b*tt!
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But before you take a bite of this forbidden fruit, you must know what this ‘tasting’ entails. You cannot, afterward, say I didn’t issue a warning! Figuring out every secret tucked away in that grungy bun, the passing sly smile, that inscrutable laugh, those rolled eyes, that cut look, and oh-yes-that smirk isn’t an easy task. And you shall never pin down a definitive list of what is going inside that mind that knows well to be reckless with others’ secrets but to guard her own with extra care! Decoding a woman’s mind is a task that God would turn down too, so you are better off not trying. But since curiosity is innate to us humans, I have decided that a sneak peek wouldn’t really hurt. At least not you guys – it might come bite my a** for sure, when the girls find out!!
So, here’s a bite of the forbidden fruit – 10 forbidden secrets girls won’t tell you, ever:
1. We flirt too and it’s fun
You think we go all in and are sweet angels who shall never so much as check those hot pieces of eye candy around. But hey, just because we have a sumptuous table spread at home doesn’t mean we can’t take a peek into the buffet outside. Sometimes, we take a small bite too. Yes, chew that. We flirt and we flirt far too often than you make out with us in your mind. Of course, we stop if we think we’re sending out wrong signals. And while we are on the topic, let me dole out an extra – we don’t consider drunk kissing wrong, as long as we are doing it. I know, I know. Double standards. Gulp it down.
2. We crave sex too
Surprise!!! The Madonna has a hidden wanton inside. We love dirty talk, roving hands, ohh-the-foreplay, sizzling quickies, and ravishing romps. We love each of these and all of these and more. So, know this – women are freaks too. So the next time that sex maniac in you is up for a hot session in the bedroom, remember that she wants it as badly too. You just might have to do the dishes before she gives it away. Also, she will never say she wants it. She may seduce you, though. 😉
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3. Yes, we fake it
Yes, the one that makes her bring down the ceiling with her loud moans can be fake too. She has probably gotten so used to faking the big-O and all that precedes it (and maybe goes after for a few too) that it has become hardwired in her system. And boy, don’t you get angry on this one coz she might just be sparing that big … uh-uh, not that … ego of yours. She knows you are touchy-feely about your man meat and will therefore deploy her acting prowess to maintain all the confidence you have about uh-your-different-kind-of-prowess.
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4. We compare it ‘all’ with the ex
Yes, we know that the policy ‘forgive and forget’ is your mantra for all your past relationships. But not so much with us. We may have definitely forgiven the exes and moved on but we remember all there is to remember – every tiny detail. And we, more often than not, are comparing every waking moment with you with those with one or all of our exes. Mostly, you win. Other times, not so much. That’s the Ex-factor for you!
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5. We let in our bestie on everything, everything
From the size of your bank account to well, umm the size of your … you know what, she knows all there is to know! She knows how they compare with those of the other men who have been in my life, she knows if you aren’t too good when you go down on me, she knows all the ways you ‘wrong’ me, and she also knows about how irritating we think your mom is (God, save me from the wrath of all the lovely-ladies-turning-snarling-fire-breathing-vengeance-seeking-handmaidens-of-Satan after this!!). So the next time she is smirking or giving you a look that would put Medusa to shame, you aren’t imagining it. She KNOWS. So, ask her about me or chat with her about our equation, at your own risk. She WILL tell me. Even – in fact, especially – if she has promised she won’t. So, you’re safe if you are telling her how much you love me. Otherwise, not so much. She is my bestie first and well, your friend, NEVER.
Suggested read: Why do women fall for ‘bad boys’?
6. We love the bad guys
Yep, we do. We do. We do. We do. We do. This doesn’t mean we don’t like the nice guys. We do. We do. We do. And we do. We like the thrill and excitement of being kept on our toes and a bad boy gives us just that. However, the allure of the bad boy is limited and liking (read: wanting) everything that is bad for us ends after the childish fantasy wanes. After that, it is all about the ‘nice’ guys!!
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7. We tend to pretend to have it all together, and often
Yes, we pretend to have our s**t together because we know clinginess and neediness and dependency are such turn-offs. But one look into our closet, makeup bags and desk files, and you will know pretty much the chaos that clouds our lifescape. We shall crib – it is in our nature – about everything. We like to do it. Does not mean that we can’t put it all together by ourselves. Just that we know you don’t like the REAL in this case and we wear a mask. This is just one of the secrets girls won’t tell you.
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8. We do send out mixed signals
Yes, this one is not our fault. Blame it on the hormones, the physiology or whatever – just not on us. We may be all in one moment and act aloof in the next. We are just built that way. Deal with it.
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9. We love it when you are jealous
Not stalking, threatening, crazy maniacal jealous. But possessive, so that we can hear you say, ‘you’re mine.’ So, if you see me flirting with the bartender, the bookstore guy or just some random stranger who is good-looking, remember I’m flirting with you – through them – as twisted as it may sound!!
Suggested read: Why do women get turned off by nice guys?
10. We’re constantly testing you, CONSTANTLY
Guilty. We are built to test the waters and once is just not enough to take a dip. When we plan to swim for a long time, we will constantly be testing to see if it’s okay to keep with the current or swim away in the opposite direction. So, the next time we are asking you if you have a thing for threesomes, think not thrice, but three hundred times, before you say ‘Yes.’ A freebie secret that kinda ties in with this one – you need to remember women tend to fall in love with your ‘potential.’ And she isn’t going to let go until she improves the s**t outta you and you are, well, let’s say, manscaped! 😛
Now now, did curiosity kill the cat or what?? 😉 😛
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License